English Version
This happened around the time I quit my job.
Back then, I was working at an employment support facility, teaching computer skills to users with mental, physical, and intellectual disabilities. Working with people who needed that kind of support required a lot of care and attention. On top of that, I was the type of person who also worried constantly about how I dealt with my coworkers.
By about my tenth month at the company, the stress of those human relationships had worn me down. In the end, I quit.
But I could not tell my wife.
For about two weeks afterward, I pretended to go to work every morning. Instead, I went to a nearby library.
I have never had much luck with jobs. At my previous company, I had worked for about five years, and just when I thought things were finally going somewhere, the company filed for civil rehabilitation and collapsed. Its debts were more than 1.3 billion yen, and it became major news in the area where I lived.
The reason I could not tell my wife I had quit this time was because she had told me very firmly, “Next time you change jobs, please talk to me before you do it.”
So that day, too, I pretended to go to the office and went to the library instead.
Of course, over those several days I searched for work through the Hello Work job office and job magazines. But there were very few companies willing to hire someone mid-career.
After about a week, anxiety and impatience began to grow inside me.
Then, one night, it appeared in my dream.
A Noh mask, floating in a pitch-black space.
That day, I had come home from the library and acted as if I had been at work. I was not especially sleepy, but around midnight I got into bed to sleep.
Then I dreamed.
In the center of a completely dark space, something like a white oval was glowing faintly. At first it was blurry, and I could not make it out. But little by little, it became clearer.
It was a Noh mask.
A woman’s Noh mask was looking straight at me and smiling.
Then I heard a voice nearby.
“Are you okay?”
Apparently, I had been making sounds that were not quite a voice. My wife had been startled and was trying to wake me up.
“Are you okay? You were having a nightmare. Toward the end, you were making this hoarse, strained sound…”
At that point, I could not keep hiding the truth from her.
I told her everything: that I had quit my job, that I had been pretending to go to work while actually going to the library, and that I still had not found a new position.
My wife did not get angry. Instead, she started looking something up on her smartphone.
The way I had been suffering in my sleep must have seemed unusual to her. She searched for information about what it might mean when a Noh mask appears in a dream, then told me what she found.
According to what she read, dreaming of a Noh mask can be a sign that you are carrying a secret you cannot tell anyone. It may represent an unconscious defense mechanism, a way of protecting your own heart. It can also strongly suggest that you are hiding your true feelings or pretending to be someone you are not.
Of course, in my case, that was exactly right.
When I quit, I had been overly confident, thinking I would find another job right away. But as the days passed and nothing was decided, I think the situation began to corner me more and more.
After all, I had quit my job without telling my wife.
In any case, it was a terrifying dream. I think it frightened me more than any dream I had ever had before.
After that, something strange happened.
The job I had been unable to find was decided within a few days.
Almost immediately after I dreamed of the Noh mask, I was offered a job interview. I went to the interview the next day, and by the time I left, I had received an informal job offer.
Not only that, but the salary was higher than anything I had ever been offered in my life.
Even more unbelievably, the chairman of the company himself sat in on the interview.
It sounds hard to believe, but all of it really happened.
That day, they also gave me a tour of the company. In the evening, I was asked to write and submit a report. While I was writing it, the chairman said to me, “I don’t usually do this sort of thing, but you’re hired. Can you start tomorrow?”
I accepted immediately. When I got home, I told my wife how everything had happened.
Was it only a coincidence?
After I saw that Noh mask in my dream, it felt as if everything suddenly began falling into place.
Still, I have had enough of keeping secrets.
I do not think I will ever see a Noh mask in my dreams again.
Japanese Language
あれは、私が会社を辞めた頃の出来事でした。当時、私は就労者支援雇用事業所に努めており 精神や身体・知的といった障がいを持った利用者さまの パソコンの講師をしておりました。障がいを持つ利用者さまの接し方は、気を遣うものです。また、同じスタッフに対しても気を遣う私は、入社10ケ月頃になると 人間関係に悩むようになり、結局…会社を辞めました。このこと…会社を辞めたことは、妻には言えませんでした。その後二週間ほど、妻には会社に行くようにみせて、毎朝、近くの図書館へ通っていたのです。
私は仕事運があまりないようで、前職では5年ほど勤め、これからという矢先に 会社が民事再生法申請し、倒産。負債総額は13億円を超えるもので、私の住む地域では 大きなニュースとなりました。今回、会社を辞めたことを妻に言えなかったのは、 妻から「今度、職を変える時は、必ず、相談してから転職してね」と念を押されていたからです。今日もまた、会社へ行くふりをして、図書館通いです。もちろん、ここ数日、ハローワークや求人誌などで職探しをしましたが なかなか、中途採用で雇い入れてくれる企業はありません。
一週間くらい経った頃でしょうか…さずがに、不安・焦りといった気持ちが だんだん大きくなって来ました。そんなある夜… 夢にアレが出てきたのです。。真っ暗な夢の中の空間に、能面が…！。。その日も、図書館から帰り着き、仕事をしてきたように繕い、 特に眠たくもないのに、日付が変わる頃には眠るためにお布団に入ったのですが… 夢を見ました。真っ暗な空間？の中央に白い楕円のようなものがぼんやり光っているのです。はじめは、ぼやけて見えなかったのですが…だんだんとハッキリみえてきます。
能の面がこちらを見て笑っているのです。女性の能面です。。その時、近くで声が聞こえました。「あなた、大丈夫？」 どうやら私は、声にならない声をあげていたようです。妻が、吃驚して私を起こしてくれる声で目が覚めました。「あなた、大丈夫？うなされていたわよ、終いには、かすれ声みたいな声をあげて…」 ここまでの状況になると、もはや妻に隠し通すことは出来ません。私は、会社を辞めたこと、これまで会社に行くフリをして図書館へ通っていたこと、 そして、まだ再就職先が決まっていないこと、そのすべてを話しました。
すると、妻は怒りもせず、スマホで何かを調べ始めました。私のうなされ方が、異常？だったようで、夢に能の面が出てきた時について 調べ、私にその内容を伝えてくれました。能面が出てくる夢は、人には言えない秘密を抱えていることの表れ。妻が調べた内容によると、 能面が出てくる夢は、人には言えない秘密を抱えていることの表れ。自分の心を守ろうとする無意識の防衛、本心を偽っていることを特に強く意味する夢… ということがわかりました。もちろん、ズハリその通りです。
私自身、会社を辞めて、次の職なんてスグ見るかるハズ！と高をくくっていましたから 職が見つからない・決まらない状態は、自分自身をどんどん追い詰めていたようにも 思えました。なにせ、妻に内緒で、会社を辞めましたので。とにかく、怖い夢でした。これまで見た夢のどれよりも恐怖を感じるものだったと思います。その後、私に不思議な事が起こりました。決まらなかった就職先が数日で決まる…！。。能面が出てくる夢を見てからスグのことです。なんと、就職の面接が決まり、翌日、面接へ行くと、帰りには内定をいただくことが出来ました。
しかも、これまで人生でいただいたことのないお給料での採用。その企業の会長自らが 面接に立ち会うという、ありえない状況も！。にわかには信じがたい内容ですが、すべて事実です。。当日、会社見学もさせていただき、夕方にはレポートを書いて提出という流れでしたが レポートを書いている最中に、会長から 「僕は、あまりこんなことはしないんだけど、君！採用ね、明日から来れる？」と。私は二つ返事で入社を決め、家に帰りつくと、妻に就職が決まった経緯を話したものです。
はたして、たまたまでしょうか？あの「能面が出てくる夢を見て」から、とんとん拍子で 物事が決まっていったように思います。それでも、隠し事は、コリゴリです。もう二度と能面が出てくる夢を見ることはないでしょう
